A seven-minute therapy session on live television the other day is trending on YouTube and Facebook. It’s featured in The New York Times and the BBC. There’s a scientific reason for it, and there’s an aspirational lesson on how to debate ideas—especially over the holiday table—and still remain friends.
On Wednesday’s edition of The View, former Vice President Joe Biden consoled Senator John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, whose father is suffering from the same brain tumor that took the life of Biden’s son, Beau. In the video, Meghan can barely ask the first question before she’s consumed by emotion. “I couldn’t get through your book. I tried…I know you and your family have been through tragedy I can’t even conceive of. What do you tell people…” And with that, Biden, who clearly has an abundance of emotional intelligence, interrupted McCain, walked to the chair next to her, held her hand and said:
“One of the things that gave Beau courage was John. You may remember, when you were a little kid, your dad took care of my Beau. Beau talked about your dad’s courage. Not about the illness, but about his courage.”
The video went viral. As I’m writing, the video is the third highest trending video on YouTube. From a communication perspective, there are three reasons why the video provides a shareable moment.
1. It breaks a pattern. The video surfaced one day after a divisive election in Alabama. Division and anger grabs our attention because it’s highly emotional, but it doesn’t mean people want to ride that emotional juggernaut all the time. The Biden/McCain exchange provided a break from the confrontation. It was also an unexpected moment. We expect politics to be divisive, especially in today’s heated atmosphere. But neuroscientists have found that when an event is a surprise—a departure from the expected norm—it tends to stand out.
2. It contains all the elements of persuasion. More than 2,000 years ago the Greek philosopher, Aristotle, gave us the elements of persuasion that are still valid today. He said that people will listen to ideas when they are presented with Pathos, Logos, and Ethos. Biden’s discussion contained all three elements:
Ethos (character and competence): Joe Biden has spent four decades in the public eye. People may not always agree with his policies, but they trust that he’s sincere given the tragedies he’s experienced. They’ve seen him deal with the deaths of his wife and daughter in a car crash, and recently the passing of his son, with courage. He came to the discussion with a mountain of ethos built up.
Logos (logic, facts, data): Biden turned part of the conversation into an educational discussion. “There’s a lot of things happening. Any of you who have been diagnosed with glioblastoma…there are breakthroughs that occurring. There are four things going on. At the University of Pennsylvania at the Abramson Cancer Center…they take your T-cells, your immune system cells, and they reinforce it with a nanogen and that goes in and finds the cancer cells because the cells can hide from your immune system…”
Pathos (emotion, stories). While he’s holding Meghan’s hand, Biden told the story of how Beau found courage in John McCain’s story. He also told the story of the day a tractor-trailer broadsided the car his wife and daughter were in. He told the story of how much strength Beau showed, even though he was badly injured in the crash. “I found myself looking up to them,” Biden recalled. “They are the ones who helped raise me.”
3. It offers hope. “We’ve decided not to talk as much about the loss as much as the inspiration Beau was to all of us,” Biden concludes. Immanuel Kant [a German philosopher] said there’s three parts to happiness: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.”
Walt Disney once said storytellers share a special place in our hearts because “they instill hope again and again and again.” Biden was providing hope and purpose. In my research on the role narrative plays in our lives, I found that the brain is wired to respond to stories of triumph over tragedy. Since struggle, hardship or loss is a part of everyone’s life, we look to those who have dealt with pain as a guide for our journey. We share stories of struggle because we have to.
Above all, the reason why the video went viral might very well be because it’s aspirational. In the holiday season we all know there’s bound to be debate at the dinner table, and some people are going to walk away angry. Biden and McCain are political opposites, but when Biden said “John is one of my best friends,” it encouraged people that they, too, can overcome their differences. We can hope.