“The number one reason people are ineffective speakers is because they’re focused on themselves. If you’re focused on yourself, then you can’t possibly connect with the audience,” Tony Robbins told me in a recent interview to discuss the new Netflix Original film, Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru.
After watching the documentary and discussing it with award-winning filmmaker Joe Berlinger, I wanted to speak to Robbins himself to find out more about his enormous energy and charisma—Robbins captivates audiences for 72 hours over his six-day “Date with Destiny” seminars.
How can Tony Robbins move millions? In a word: mission. Tony Robbins—the famous public-speaker and business coach—isn’t just passionate about helping people break through their limiting beliefs; he’s “obsessed” with it.
I do my homework,” says Robbins. “I ask myself, Who’s in the audience? What are they hungry for? What am I going to say that I know for certain will make a difference in their lives? I don’t speak about anything that I don’t passionately believe in because it’s a waste of my time and the audience’s time.”
Remarkably, Tony Robbins—who grew up in an unstable household caring for his alcoholic mother—didn’t recognize his own ability to move people with words until a high school debate teacher, Mr. Cobb, recognized his skill. The teacher told Robbins, “I have never seen anybody who can stand up and speak with no notes, look around to kids who won’t listen, and mesmerize them with just raw communication.” He handed Robbins a speech called “The Will To Win” and made this challenge: If Robbins read the speech and connected to it, he would have to agree to compete in a persuasive oratory competition. If it didn’t move him, Robbins could simply return the speech. Robbins read it and cried his eyes out. He entered the competition and won first place. He won a second speech contest, and a third.
“I realized it [public-speaking] was a skill and a gift,” Robbins told me. “And that the skill and the gift combined could do some beautiful things. I’ve now been practicing it for 39 years.”
Robbins is quick to point out that gifts must be nurtured, refined and developed, and that’s exactly what he did with his public-speaking skills. At the age of 17, Robbins went to work for personal development coach and speaker, Jim Rohn. Robbins met a speaker who was clearly resting on his laurels, a person who gave three speeches a month. “If he does three a month, I’ll find a way to book myself for three speeches a day. I’ll talk to the groups nobody wants to talk to” Robbins committed to himself. “People are rewarded in public for what they’ve practiced in private obsessively, intensely, and relentlessly. Most things—including public speaking—can be mastered if you’re willing to put in the time and energy. You can either drag it out forever and never get good at it, or are you can compress time and concentrate your power.”
“I became convinced during the making of the film that Tony feels a deep sense of mission about reaching and helping people,” Joe Berlinger told me. Berlinger is a self-described skeptic and “seeker of the truth,” who shines a light on painful subjects in his films such as poverty (Brother’s Keeper), the justice system (Paradise Lost) and the near-disintegration of an iconic rock band (Metallica: Some Kind of Monster).
In 2012 Robbins met Berlinger at a social function and invited him to a seminar. Berlinger said he went in “kicking and screaming” and was looking for the exit after two hours. But he gave the seminar some more time. By the end of day two he had been transformed. “The tools he gave me to deal with my issues were profound and all relate to his communication skills,” Berlinger told me. “I thanked Tony profusely and chased him for two years to convince him to do the film.”
Any lingering skepticism about Robbins’ authenticity was wiped away in one memorable scene, according to Berlinger. In the film, Robbins is seen performing an especially emotional intervention with a suicidal woman who had survived years of unspeakable abuse and trauma. After it was over, Robbins took a break backstage and walked away to gather his thoughts. Berlinger made his way into the room with cameras rolling. Robbins was the only person there, sobbing. Berlinger kept the scene in the movie. “Those were not tears for the camera,” Berlinger said. “He was like that when I walked in. I found the guy balling—I mean, really crying. That’s when I knew that he connects with people in a really deep way and that it’s very real and very authentic.”
Today Tony Robbins is a recognized authority on leadership psychology. He is on the road 200 days a year, speaking to more than 200,000 people and coaching the likes of Bill Clinton, Serena Williams, Marc Benioff and Leonardo DiCaprio, among many other notable leaders in business and entertainment. And while it’s a rare individual who will achieve Robbins’ level of influence, all leaders can learn an important lesson from his life. It’s a theme I’ve reinforced time and again: Leaders cannot inspire unless they’re inspired themselves. “Tony believes he is put on earth to help other people live their best life. It’s in his DNA,” says Berlinger. “Tony Robbins is a great communicator because he’s authentic and believes in his mission.”